Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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