I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
People in love make me want to vomit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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