I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
