I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
