I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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