Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
