we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize