Having a random hookup so left but love u
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
