I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
