if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
