There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
