my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize