just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
