the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
