Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
