How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
