your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
