im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
