Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
