You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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