Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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