I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
