Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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