My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
