Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need a beard to bite.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
