apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
