Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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