the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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