so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize