so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
