he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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