Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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