if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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