jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
