i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
