if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
