I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
