How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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