I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
