$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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