Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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