i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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