So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize