i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
