That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
