Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
