I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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