what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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