I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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