Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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