Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
