I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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