Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
