wrigley field is MILF paradise
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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