Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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