Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry sum_it hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(407): View more from Florida

Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

Fav 14 5105 958
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.

Fav 8 3306 982
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story

Fav 16 3928 1091
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina

Fav 22 1189 5468
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.

Fav 4 3047 1088
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot

Fav 6 2128 879
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(438): View more from Quebec

Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?

Fav 15 919 1424
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(432): View more from Texas

I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.

Fav 2 168 89
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(949): View more from California

I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth

Fav 0 65 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT