so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
