my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Randomize
