Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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