I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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