So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
