I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
