I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
