he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
