Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
