Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
