So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
