He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How does one acquire holy water?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
