he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
