I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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