Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
